Well, that wasn’t all that bad. Still plenty of tweakage to go.

On the walk home from the bus stop every night I can catch a glimpse of downtown Nashville. Currently most prominent in the skyline is what most locals call the “Bat Building“, because its resemblance to Bruce Wayne’s alter ego was obvious to everybody except, it seems, the architect.

The building really was called the BellSouth Tower until Bellsouth was assimilated by the Death Star AT&T not too long ago. And it was this past week that the bright blue AT&T logo was lit on the building, replacing the Tennessee tri-star logo, and looking for all the world like a creepy glowing cyclops eye.

Which reminds me, I really oughta stop giving money to those shmucks.

So today I encountered a Chick Tract in the wild, for the very first time. I’d seen online rants about them, parodies of them, and plenty of threads on Straight Dope about them, but hadn’t ever seen one in person until I sat down on the bus this morning… and there it was, right next to me.

Normally it’s one of my missions in life to grab the nutcase propoganda that people leave around and take it to the nearest trash receptacle post haste, but since this was a genuine publication of Jack Chick, I had to grab it and peruse it later, presumably in order to see how long it would take for my head to explode.

As I was stuffing it into my bag (and I didn’t have to be very discreet about it since I was the only one on the bus besides the driver), I noticed another one about two seats ahead of me. This one had a cartoon picture of the Twin Towers on the cover next to the legend “So What?” I figured I’d try to pick that one up on the way off the bus. But at the next stop, the driver got up and retrieved it. I hoped that she was just going to stuff the trash in the little bin next to her seat, but as I got off the bus I saw she was reading it.

I hope she laughed derisively at it, as I plan to mine, shortly before I throw it out.

Every year, local free indy paper Nashville Scene holds a contest called “You Are So Nashville If…,” inviting creative readers to fill in the blank. Gems from this year’s contest include:

• Your recording contract lasted longer than your marriage.
• You wonder what the Northern Baptist Convention is like.
• If he had his way, the headliner at your Fourth of July celebration would have half of the crowd deported.
• You didn’t know Nashville had a hockey team until the lockout.
• Your weatherman spends 45 minutes of prime airtime describing a five-minute storm.
• Your new guilty pleasure is circling the new Hustler Hollywood in your car because the Musica statue just isn’t doing it for you anymore.
• You wish Jack 96.3 would just shut up.
• You’re still wondering how to buy stock in E-Cycle.
• You’ve been dropped from TennCare, gas prices are too high, you can’t pay your rent, but you can still afford to buy a state senator.

But what was voted second place was actually the best:

• You used to like Bill Frist

Memo to self: Never tell strangers where you work. Not that I’m worried they’ll come a-stalkin’ me, it’s just that I’d really rather NOT get into a conversation with someone about their own special theory of physics. This morning’s theorist seemed normal enough at first. There we were, standing at the bus stop, chatting about the improving reliability of the bus system. He asks where I work, I tell him, at the planetarium. So he mentions the program on NOVA last week, about string theory. By this time we’re on the bus sitting down. It’s not until then, when I’m bound by politeness to remain seated in an adjacent seat, that he reveals his theory:

E=mc^infinite

This is, of course, because Jesus is the light of creation (or whatever) and God is infinite. Therefore light is infinite. Whatever.

It occurred to me later that the implication of this is that the first, tiniest nuclear weapon would have annihilated the entire Universe with its infinite energy. Had I thought of this at the time, I’m not sure I would have mentioned it anyway. I typically prefer to nod politely, say nothing and then take some time later on to feel really depressed. I did try to reason with him that Jesus’ light as described in the Bible (which I suppose it is) is not necessarily the same thing streaming through the window right now, that one’s spiritual, and the other’s physical. Didn’t make much of an impression, I’m afraid. Some days I wish I were any good at debating, but I’m not at all. Usually debating just irritates me, and leaves me feeling sour for days on end. So I typically don’t bother.

(Which is not to say I didn’t have a little fun taking on the impossible task of debating the late noted Usenet kook, Alexander Abian way back when. It’s far easier over the ‘Net, when you have the luxury of time to come up with a good response.)

P.S. I don’t want to give the impression that the “Life in Nashville” section of this blog is solely dedicated to bashing people who don’t believe the same things I do. A) There are plenty of rational, normal people around here, (as I see it), and B) I fully intend to write about other elements of life around here. Haven’t quite gotten to my treatise on the bus system yet, but it’s coming sometime soon I’m sure.

Sadly, the aforementioned vandalism has been removed. Pity.

I possess neither the courage nor the stupidity to risk life, limb, and liberty to pull this off, but my hat’s off to whoever did.

‘Course, there’s always the possibility that whoever did this is merely a fanatic of a different stripe than the weirdos who put up the billboard. The answer may never be known. I’m just waiting to see if anyone will bother to undo this little alteration.

Here’s what I have to pass by every time I walk to the Kroger’s.

You know you’re in for a whole world of hurt if god catches you worshipping him on the wrong day.